forgiveness

This past weekend I had to admit that I was wrong. That was the easy part.

I sat face to face with a man from my church that I felt had wronged me. My response over the past 5 years was wrong. Machismo had taken over. My general "John Wayne" attitude had taken over then and I felt I could recover just fine on my own. Nope. No man is an island to himself. I was on a deserted island. Now, he came to apologize to me. And he did so sincerely.

Suddenly, I was faced with the responsibility to forgive. The sudden sense that I had power over another person was very nearly overwhelming. More importantly, it was a sensation that I wanted to have no part of. While my forgiveness may seemed insincere, it was more the sudden emotion of power that I did not want.

I can seem to be intimidating. And it can be fun to exert that power (to a future son-in-law). Yet in this situation I did not like that power and wanted to have no part of it.

I think it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to give it.